She-Genius

Warning: Serious and commonly fatal side effects of this blog include unjustified outrage, actual invincibility, passive extremism and boop.

Sunday

10

February 2013

WTF, XXX Porn?

Written by , Posted in STFU DIARY

Warning: Condom will not automatically.  Failure to apply may result in procreation.  

May also be used as vomit bag.
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    For Christmas this year, I gave my best friend her very own, collector’s edition DVD AND HDDVD combo set of Pirates XXX.

    The cinematic artistry of this particularly thoughtful gift is evidenced by its 11, record-setting wins at the 2005 Adult Video News Awards. PLUS, it has both a sequel and an original motion picture soundtrack CD, so I’ve got her birthday and next Christmas covered.

    Pirates XXX 000 cover front 450x601 WTF, XXX Porn?

    If you aren’t an avid collector of pornographic parodies, then you may not be aware that there is a pornographic rendition of every single work of entertainment ever created, ever.  Without exception.  It is one of the great and immutable laws of the internet, much like Newton’s Third Law of Motion.

    For every story, there is a venereal and plotless revision in which all of the characters have highly vocal sex with creative combinations of one another.

    What I tell you now is so generally accepted that it is officially (by the internet authority, “Urban Dictionary”) titled, “Rule 34“: ”If it exists, it also exists as a porno.”

    (Rule #35: “If a single joke can be delivered in a repetitive and hyper-prolonged manner which requires absolutely no comedic skill or effort beyond the curation of images, there’s a Tumblr for that!  For example, see the Tumblr blog: There’s a Porn For That!)

    xxx collage WTF, XXX Porn?

    The number of pornographic films in existence can be expressed in units of measure typically reserved for approximating intergalactic distances.   So, when I say, Pirates XXX is the highest-budget porn produced to date, you are, understandably, quite impressed.  It is clear to you, now, that I am a super best friend and an exceptionally considerate Christmas gift-giver.

    Because I was too lazy to write an accompanying Christmas card for this most special, collector’s edition gift, I spent three hours scrap-booking an accompanying “You Might Also Like…” booklet.  I am surprised and impressed by the volume and diversity of stickers I own.  I imagine my friend will be too.

    Page 1 620x422 WTF, XXX Porn?

    Warning: This booklet is rated XXX and is not appropriate for children or adults with a history of moral goodness.

    I like to pretend that I like and/or know all of the people who I am friends with on the internet, and so I am giving her gift to all of my friends for Valentine’s Day!  Which might sound kind of dick, but she’s actually a super good person who would, if I asked her, be absolutely delighted to share it with all of you.

    So, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I share, for your morbid curiosity:

    “WTF, XXX PORN?”

    Page 2 620x413 WTF, XXX Porn?

    “WARNING:
    Watching internet porn may lead to erections lasting only 4 minutes, 33 seconds. Corielle Heath does not endorse sex with wands or wookies and cannot be held accountable for the alarmingly poor acting of people who have sex in costume for a living.”

    STAR WARS XXX

    bit.ly/UAj9Xn
    star wars xxx250  120217182919 WTF, XXX Porn?

    WARNING:
    Contains weirdly hairless wookie penis.

    HAIRY TWATTER XXX

    bit.ly/Vnf6gi
    gty 120012875 4 3 r536 c534 WTF, XXX Porn?

    WARNING:
    Rare but deadly side effects may include uncontrollable weeping, genital hogwarts, Rupert Grint night terrors, and death of innocence.

    SCOOBY DOO XXX

    bit.ly/NdhgfR
    TTIxYzVVV2pkRjAx o scooby doo xxx trailer sfw WTF, XXX Porn?

    WARNING:
    If you experience a home-invasion while watching this porno, put your clothes back on and seek immediate police assistance. Fighting crime is not for everyone, so please consult with your emergency dispatcher before attempting the apprehension of men in holocaust cloaks.

    THE AVENGERS XXX

    bit.ly/WvzH3D
    avengers xxx poster WTF, XXX Porn?

    Warning: DOES NOT contain Chris Hemsworth OR Chris Evans.
    However, four out of five experts agree: May, in fact, contain Robert Downey Jr.

    GHOSTBUSTERS XXX

    bit.ly/IstMER
    ThisAintGhostBustersXXXReview WTF, XXX Porn?

    Why warn?
    Each of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator in his pants.

    Final Page 620x422 WTF, XXX Porn?

    Warning: Condom will not deploy automatically. Failure to apply condom prior to penetration may result in offspring.
    May also be used in the event of vomiting.

    Merry Valentine’s Day, everyone!

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