Warning: Serious and commonly fatal side effects of this blog include unjustified outrage, actual invincibility, passive extremism and boop.



March 2013

This Is What Happens When My Adderall Wears Off

Written by , Posted in STFU DIARY

glenn n corielle

    Sometimes (most of the time), when Glenn speaks, I hear roughly 40% of whatever it is he’s babbling about now.

    There are a few possible reasons for this:

    A) Glenn’s voice is pitched just slightly too low for the average human ear,

    B) 60% of what Glenn says is incredibly boring drivel about numbers or basketball or my leaving the oven on with its door open, again,

    C) I’m already riveted by several far more amusing and/or intriguing trains of thought taking place simultaneously in my head because it’s after 10 p.m. and my adderall has long since worn off, and/or

    D) The dog is sleeping, and, if you watch closely, you can see his feet twitch like he’s chasing a squirrel!

    I often recount our conversations on this blog, and, I admit, this requires a good deal of extrapolation based on context clues.  Glenn contends that this results in a horrifyingly warped version of the truth, but I’m fairly sure he just doesn’t remember how boring he usually is.

    For the sake of proving my point to Glenn, here is a completely unedited — and almost impossible to follow — transcript of a conversation we had last night:


    In My Head:

    cause and effect This Is What Happens When My Adderall Wears Off

    Auroras come from solar winds spewing ionized plasma onto the atmosphere.
    I wish I didn’t know that. Then, I’d just assume it was cosmic magic, or heaven, or a portal through time.
    I wonder how early people interpreted the Northern Lights?
    Has green always been an evil color, or do I just think it is because it reminds me of Voldemort?

    Glenn: (Something something something) at 375no less (something else) very dangerous (blah blah blah) burn the house down.

    Me:  Who’s house?

    Glenn: What? Did you hear what I just said?

    Me:  Yes. You said “burn the house down.” To what house do you refer?

    In My Head:

    tumblr m73whetsIX1rxbf33o2 250 This Is What Happens When My Adderall Wears Off

    I bet it’s hilarious watching Patrick Stewart record the voice of Avery Bullock.
    I wonder how much money Patrick Stewart has.
    Like, does he do American Dad because he needs to or because he’s Sir Patrick Stewart and he can do whatever the fuck he wants…

    Glenn: I meant apartment. Our apartment. YOU burning down our apartment.

    Me: Ohhh. I left the oven door open?

    Glenn:  YES. I just said….(something something something)

    In My Head:

    1343 450x282 This Is What Happens When My Adderall Wears Off

    Dennis Rodman and his entourage are the ONLY Americans known to have met Kim Jong Un.
    He told Rodman to ask Michael Jordan to visit next. LOL.
    That means he wouldn’t want to nuke Chicago, right?

    Glenn: ….check the kitchen every time I see you with toast (blah blah)….

    In My Head:

    tumblr lu98qqnpCa1r49t5mo1 400 This Is What Happens When My Adderall Wears Off

    Grilled cheese.

    Glenn: ….to take this seriously.

    Me:  Today, I found an entire website dedicated solely to grilled cheese recipes!

    Glenn: I’m just talking to myself, aren’t I…

    Me: What? Aren’t we talking about toast, now?

    Glenn: No. We’re talking about….(something no one cares about)

    In My Head:

    GrilledCheese This Is What Happens When My Adderall Wears Off

    Glenn: I can’t tell if you’re doing this on purpose…

    Me: Of course not! I just get so excited about my food being ready that I forget about fire safety.  If you want me to pay more attention to these things, then you should stop shielding me from the consequences, Smokey the Bear, you enabler.

    Glenn: I meant purposefully not listening to me, but are you actually suggesting I let you burn the apartment down just so…(unintelligible grumbling bah blah boop blat…)

    In My Head:

    Jimi Jumping This Is What Happens When My Adderall Wears Off

    *Super cute memory of Jimi dancing to the theme from Toy Story*
    (Black and white and in slow-motion, like all of my memories)


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