She-Genius

Humor Blog by Corielle Heath

Wednesday

3

April 2013

MOVE ALL THE THINGS!

Written by , Posted in STFU DIARY

 Corielle's Move

Jimi and I are moving to Chicago tomorrow! (See map above for detailed timeline.) 

Unfortunately, Glenn must remain in Miami for another two months, writing 95% of his master’s thesis and doing all the hard work involved in moving our meager worldly belongings from Miami to Chicago.  Meanwhile, my mission is to seek out new jobs and new apartments; to boldly go home, to my old bedroom new lair in Frankfort, IL.

Seven years ago, I left Frankfort on an academic adventure. (See treasure map below).

Post Frankfort map

I now make my glorious return to my old house, which I am very thrilled about because I had always hoped to move back in with my parents in my mid-twenties.

Also, unlike Glenn and I, my parents can afford nice things, such as:

Chest freezer. Basement.  Doorbell.  Kitchen table. Vacuum. Full length mirror. 

But I will miss many things about my Miami apartment, such as: 

Fitness center and unscrupulous spa.  Peephole. Shower window. The now imminent passing of my plants.

I spent the last week packing and making high-quality memories of Miami.

On Easter Sunday, I rose at the crack of dawn to put out Easter baskets for Glenn and Jimi.  I crept silently about, taking great pains to maintain the illusion that the baskets were indeed delivered by a magic rabbit, despite the fact that Glenn seems to have figured out the truth about the East Bunny and Jimi is a dog who does not appreciate the once-a-year specialness of Easter and now begins every morning by checking the apartment for hard-boiled eggs.

hardboiled egg hunt

The night before Easter, Glenn and I dyed the only 5 eggs we had in our refrigerator with the homemade egg-dyes I brewed saucepan-meth-lab-style.

eggs

It might appear, at first, that I spent way too much time decorating, glazing and firing these eggs in the kiln, and maybe I take egg-art a little too seriously.
That is erroneous.
You see, this was an egg-dying competition, and the only thing I take more seriously than crafting is winning.

Glenn dipped his eggs in MY specialty egg dye, then hid in front of the couch “watching TV” but secretly decorating his eggs with a SHARPIE marker.  But then he came so gaily back into the kitchen saying, “Look what I made! This one is a businessman  and he has little feet on the bottom! And this one is me, see?” and it really is a striking resemblance and I hadn’t the heart to point out that he was technically disqualified from our egg decorating competition which he technically hadn’t been informed about in the first place.

Glenn's egg head

Instead, I just told him I loved him and would most likely miss him during my upcoming adventure. Then I said I would like to keep egg-Glenn so it could accompany me to Chicago and possibly on job interviews, but Glenn was all, “That idea will stink!”
And I’m like, “You think this is punny?”
But he makes a good point, so I settled for a life-size picture of his face glued to a Kleenex box instead.

kleenex box glenn

Cause that went so well the first time.

The next time you’ll hear from me, I’ll be writing from the Land of Lincoln.  Until then, live long and prosper, my friends!

(Do you like how I’m not going to bother explaining why I have such an impressive collection of Kleenex-box-size men’s attire?)

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